So I've been meaning to write in both my blogs for a very long time, unfortunately school and work have kinda superseded pleasure writing. Today I'd like to talk about something that I'm personally dealing with. Being a dad.
I'm the first to admit that I believe that I am a horrible father. I don't get to see my son as anywhere near as much as I'd like to. Add that to the way things are sometimes with his mother and well its not pretty in the least bit. That's the thing that hurts the most. I know I could have changed things that have happened but I didn't I was an asshole plain and simple. Now I do more arguing with his mom than we do talking and still I feel like its hurting him more and more. I have found something that helps though something that I intend to begin looking more deeply at again. The Bible.
Every time that I've studied the different books of the Bible I've learned one thing, love, no one is perfect and no matter what we do God forgives. I know that I love my son, my son knows that I love him, and God knows that I love my son and would do anything for him.
I know that to some people I'm annoying, overzealous, and a pain in the ass. I've messed up everything from professional relationships to personal ones. Somehow I've managed to alienate everyone I've ever dated at one point or another and made them hate me for undetermined amounts of time. I can live with this it doesn't bother me (much there are certain people that shall remain unnamed that I really wish I could say were still my friends) but there is one thing that a person can never question, and that is how much I care for my son. No I wasn't raised perfect, and no my son won't be either, there's no such thing as perfect no on earth anyway. I'll do the best I can and with God's help that will be enough. to quote the movie Courageous (which is where I got the title for the blog) "I don't want to be a good enough father". I want to be the best father I can be. So here's the thing you don't have to like me, you don't have to trust me, hell you don't even have to acknowledge me, but know this I will NEVER hurt my son or let anything happen to him.
*recommended read* I don't recommend books very often but 2 that I highly recommend are Love Dare for those who are trying to create a lasting faith founded relationship. Also, The Resolution for Men, for those who wish to be better fathers and grow in Christ with there children. (side note I've heard that theres a resolution for women, but I'm not sure if there is or where to find it.) Both these books can be found in Walmart, and the movies associated with them as well (Fire proof and Courageous, both amazing movies)
Have a good one, God bless.
