Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Anguish makes you think...

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put you hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God.
-Psalm 42:5-6
 
     So needless to say if you know me and your one of the few people that I actually talk to and know whats going on in my life you know that certain events have led me to be fairly depressed and upset. Of all the nights that I should have been down oddly enough the one that drove me nuts and made me really thing about whats going on was one night hanging out with the gang and watching the Stephen King movie Pet Sementary. Maybe its because the kid in the movie is so cute before he becomes a homicidal zombie or because somehow in my own way I related to the dad with losing his son. To clear things up right now, no nothing has happened to Parker and no Nothing is wrong with me or Parker, just some things that are changing that I'm having issues with. I don't mind change but this one is gonna get to me before it's over.
     All this suffering got me thinking, allot, mainly it started one night when, after a couple drinks at home alone watching stupid television and thinking about all the crap going on and posting a very depressing status, and then going to bed, I went to bed and when I woke up I found a surprise, friends. Several of the friends that I have known for ages, some that I haven't known long had sent me messages asking if everything was ok and if they could help. They assured me that everything was going to be ok, that I was gonna make it through it.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
-Philippians 4:6

   I think that some days that we forget just how blessed we are and that we do have friends, nay angels that watch over us even  when we're down, even if we don't know that their their, when we really need them they're the ones that are their and will be there for us no matter what. Sure every one's friends have gotten on their nerves, hell I've seen 2 of the best friends I've ever known argue fight, make up, get in a bigger fight, quit talking, ignore each other for months, and now they're two of the best friends I've ever seen, hard as it is to believe they may even be closer now than they were before. All this love and friendship that I've seen around me the last year has just amazed me, even when things completely blow people seem to be finding comfort in the "angels" that God has sent them. Maybe if we all listened to what the Bible told us to do:

Cast you cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
-Psalm 27:1

     Maybe if we spent more time asking God for help, and less time fretting about the stresses of daily life, and ask for God's guidance in dealing with and making it through what ever hardships may present themselves before us, I believe that nothing is to hard for us to over come.
Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
-Matthew 6:25

Sunday, May 6, 2012

The Bird of Hermes is my name, Eating my wings to make me tame...


                                                                In the sea without lees
                                                           Standeth the bird of Hermes
                                                             Eating his wings variable
                                                     And maketh himself yet full stable
                                                  When all his feathers be from him gone
                                                      He standeth still here as a stone
                                                      Here is now both white and red
                                                And all so the stone to quicken the dead
                                                         All and some without fable
                                                    Both hard and soft and malleable
                                                     Understand now well and right
                                                        And thank you God of this sight

                         The bird of Hermes is my name eating my wings to make me tame.

     The above is a section from something called the Ripley Scroll. I'm not exactly sure what the scroll is or what its suppose to mean, but this is one section that I find particularly interesting. OK so before I go on I found out about the verse while watching an anime with my roommates, but still it works for what I'm going to right, because in a sense it fits how I'm feeling at the moment. 
     So through the little bit that I've read while looking for the verse no one seems to really be sure as to what the verse is talking about, for instance one of the comments I started to read stated that they believed it was about raising the dead, I openly admit that I lost interest in the comments after the 8th spelling error (shallow I know but its been along shift and I didn't want to try and figure out what they were trying to spell.) I have my own idea's about this though, very different from the raising the dead idea. I personally believe that the verse, mainly the last sentence "The bird of Hermes is my name eating my wings to make me tame."  Referes to our pride.I believe that when they say that he's eating his wing they are talking about him swallowing his pride. Every human being on the face of the planet, is prideful. Its one of the seven deadly sins if I'm not mistaken, we all have something that we take great pride in, for some of us its out families, or our athletic ability, our brains, are good looks, something that we're proud to have or possess. There is nothing wrong with having pride in something, especially if we worked hard to obtain that thing, but often we become prideful. No one is innocent of this, not completely we become so prideful that we push people away without realizing it, the get so tired of hearing us boast and brag about our accomplishments that those that were once our friends become the people that avoid us at all costs. Another way to word this is egotistical. If you don't keep your ego/pride in check, you become an annoyance to others and lose those who you care about, this is what I believe is meant by "eating my wings to make me tame".
     Lets look at it this way. Assuming that the bird had extremely beautiful wings and was very proud of them, that he went about strutting and bragging about himself and constantly drawing attention to himself and his wings. Eventually people would begin to avoid him because his pride/ego became to much for anyone to handle because they were tired of constantly talking about his wings. After awhile maybe the bird discovered the error of his ways and instead of continuing in his prideful/egotistical ways, decided to change, "eating my wings," could, in my opinion, also be worded swallowing your pride, or checking your ego. By eating the thing that he was so proud of the bird had nothing to be prideful about and therefore had nothing to brag about, thus making it possible for the bird to fix the issues that his friends had.
     I'm not going to say that having pride or a small ego is a bad thing, its always a good thing to be proud of something it gives us a sense of  well pride, something to be happy about. The important thing is to remember to keep that ego in check, swallow your pride and think of the others who have to put up with you. Have a blessed day.

 
"Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the LORD is a God who knows,
and by him deeds are weighed. "
1 Samuel 2:3

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Things that go bump in the night...

    OK so this entry I'm actually looking for comments one because in this one I guess you could say I'm looking for advice in dealing with some stuff. I'm not going to use names or anything so any other party's that think I might be talking about you or someone you know, well I guess you'll just have to wonder cause I won't answer questions on who I'm talking about.
     So here's whats up, it is currently 0332 (3:32 am for those who don't know military time) and I am still awake, what sucks about this? I went to bed at 2300 (11:00pm) I read for a little while and couldn't sleep so I stepped outside for a smoke and grabbed my computer to browse for a bit, bad idea. The minute I log onto on of my email accounts I find several emails from an address I don't recognize, in the emails are attachments, I open the attachments thinking they may be from a friend, well I was wrong this email contains most of the photos taken during my last relationship. Now I don't know who sent it or why but it pisses me off so if you know of anyway how to track an email address, please feel free to share.
    So in an attempt to cheer up I decide to look at photos on friends pages and on my own, didn't work so well, granted  some of my friend's pages did a bit of good, cause it was great to see how much we've all changed in the last 5 years, some of us are married, some of us have kids, some of us are married with kids, some of us haven't changed at all, and some of us we don't talk to anymore. So upon doing this I decided to look at my own, bad idea I ended up deleting a vast majority of photo's and albums from my facebook. Some where those stupid "what is your spirit animal" kinda thing, and other were of someone who has made it very clear that they want nothing to do with me, which works cause after being stabbed in the back so many time eventually all it takes is once to make you not want to have anything to do with them either. (and for my dl friends reading this who think they know who I'm referring to in this last part, no its not just her)
     So here are my questions, mainly I'm asking out of peer curiosity
          1) Does anyone know how to trace an email address so I can find out whose sending me these dam  pictures?
2) Everyone has a tempter to some point, some of us can control it better than others, what do you do when your angry and frustrated and seem to be pissed off at the world, that is how do you unwind?